After taking another look at where I’m at in life, I thought things would finally start moving joyfully toward my life’s purpose. But I’ve been struggling to focus on my day job (which still takes up a huge chunk of my time — time that really shouldn’t be swallowed by my endless internet wanderings). A kind of spleen settled in, one that only found relief in imagining possible futures

I was feeling pretty low — not just in spirit, but in body too.

Two things made me rethink how I’ve been approaching this “new” phase of life — which, to be clear, still only exists as a wish for now.

1. I had some bloodwork done to see if hormonal changes could explain the intense fatigue that keeps my body from obeying my self-imposed performance goals. Turns out, I had mononucleosis (again, and I just learned, this late in life, that some people never develop the promised immunity).
2. A classmate’s mother — my youngest child’s classmate — passed away at my age, after years of fighting cancer.

The first reassured me that what’s been slowing me down isn’t a lack of willpower or discipline, but a very real, very tangible virus., beyond my control. Guilt, begone! (I had a similar feeling of relief when I got my late AUDHD diagnoses — maybe one day I’ll talk about that too.)

The second event reminded me that life is happening now. Wake-up call!

I’m remembering to find joy in repeating my everyday routines, over and over again, and to soften that creeping feeling that life is quietly slipping away. I’m also trying not to escape into endless planning, but instead to stay present in my present (pun intended).

I still want to keep my goal of taking a sabbatical year in Latin America in sight, though it’s still far away (at least four years). I’m continuing my research to understand how this dream might actually take shape.

I still have my goal of taking a sabbatical year in Latin America, though it’s still a few years away (four at least). I’m continuing to research and imagine how it might eventually come to life.

In the meantime, I’m sticking with my earlier resolutions. One of the most important one is to go walking in nature at least once a month, a grounding ritual that’s essential to my mental balance (walking among trees calms my ADHD symptoms like nothing else).

Even though I know I need to save more seriously, I’m not cutting my cultural budget too harshly. Dance, performances, concerts, and the arts in general are my spiritual nourishment — the food that keeps my daily life alive.

So now, I need to find ways to make this dream of travel happen, without straying too far from it, but also without sacrificing the joys and breathing spaces that already give my life rhythm. If anyone has ideas or strategies, I’m all ears!